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Questions & Comments People Are
Sharing with the Survivors
. . .
"I'm so
pissed. Why me? He was my friend. We even
dated and he just did that to me and let his friends take turns
with me as i was passed out and then he went and told all his
other friends at school and now i cant even show my face.
What am I supposed to do? My boyfriend has been great through
this whole thing -- so has my family, but y me? What did i
do to deserve this? I mean was it something i said? For
months I didn't tell anyone not even my boyfriend. then a
teacher at school heard him telling a friend at school and told
the school cop and now everyone at school knows. Why me?
What do I do now?"
-- Student in NY
Response from Shirley, a survivor featured in Voices of
Courage
One of
the hardest and most valuable lessons I learned after I was
raped is that there is no good answer to Why did this happen to
me? -- even though we all ask it. It wasn't about what you did
or didn't do - it was and is about what the person who chose to
violate you did. I hope you seek out someone you trust -
counselor, teacher, minister - and talk to that person about
what you're going through. It is one of the best things you can
do for yourself and your future.
Response from Cheri, a survivor featured in Voices of
Courage
I agree with Linda. We all asked ourselves
that question. No one deserves to have this done to them. You
did NOTHING wrong! Just remember that. Hold your head high. You
have nothing to be ashamed of. Your rapist is the sick one. All
of my co-workers knew I was raped. It was on the radio, on t.v.,
and in the papers. In some ways, I think it helped me recover.
It was uncomfortable, as all the graphic details were printed,
in the newspapers, but I was not ashamed. I am happy to know
that your teacher reported him. Hopefully, he will never do this
to anyone again. I firmly believe that seeking professional help
is important. You can learn coping skills and speak openly,
without worrying about offending anyone. Recovery takes time.
Just keep that in mind. Be patient with yourself. You are not
alone!!
"For 6 years now, I can't come to understand and also put
this ordeal in it's place. At the age of 10, my niece was
violated by someone that I thought (in my mind) wouldn't do
something like that. It never crossed my mind at all -- so
I can't get over the fact that it happened and it happened in my
home. I hurt as if it happened to me and I didn't protect
her enough while she was in my care and protect her because she
is my niece."
-- Roszina (PA)
Response from Shirley, a survivor featured in Voices of
Courage
"Thank
you for sharing your feelings with us. I understand your
pain all too well. Try and understand that offenders are experts
at getting people to trust them and setting up situations so
they can offend and not get caught. You are not
responsible for what happened to your niece -- the person who
violated her is the person responsible. When a child is
sexually assaulted, the entire family is effected. I
experienced something similar many years ago and learned that
the best way to that I could help my loved one was to release my
guilt and be as healthy as I could be. The greatest gift
we can give the children in our lives is to take care of
ourselves. You can talk to a counselor at the local rape
crisis center if you want to talk with someone who understands
what you are going through.
What helped me the most was 1)
Understanding that is wasn't my fault 2) Focusing on
positive action for all those effected, and 3) Finding gratitude
-- that the abuse was discovered -- that my loved one is safe
now, etc...
I know your heart is broken...allow
yourself to heal...we send you encouragement and positive
thoughts."
"I hate it. You keep it all back until you cant hold it
back anymore and you just burst."
-- Dakayla (GA)
Response from Cheri, a survivor in Voices of Courage
Don't tear
yourself up inside. Share your story with friends and family and
a professional. Having a support system is incredibly important.
Believe in yourself! It's much easier to cope, once your
share your thoughts (and, continue to share them). I
am a firm believer in seeking professional help. They can offer
coping skills and help you to understand your feelings. Plus,
you don't have to worry about hurting their feelings. The
biggest thing to remember is that you are not to blame! No one
has the right to hurt and abuse another person. The offender is
the one with the problems, not you. Please talk to
someone. I think it will be a great help! In
Georgia, you can call the Georgia Network to End Sexual Assault
at
1-866-354-3672 (Toll-Free).
Response from Karen, a survivor in Voices of Courage
Asking for help is the first and maybe the hardest step. Many of
us keep things in until we feel like we are gong to burst!
Find someone you trust that you can talk to. Your community may
have a anonymous Rape Crisis Hotline that you call to have
someone who is trained to listen and offer support (such as the
number provided by Karen). You can also call RAINN at 1 800 656
HOPE.
Response from Shirley, a survivor in Voices of Courage
I too sometimes feel like I'm just going to burst. Even if you
do have people to talk to, sometimes it's just too difficult to
bring up the topic. One thing that has greatly helped me is
journaling. I write out all my frustrations and then read over
them. Sometimes it helps me to feel better, just getting it all
out on paper. Then, I can look back at the previous things I've
written and see how far I've come. Also, sometimes I'll
read my journals to my friends and family in order to get out
what I have to say. I sometimes find it easier to write things
out before I talk about it.
Response from Adrienne, a survivor in Voices of Courage
I too sometimes feel like I'm just going to
burst. Even if you do have people to talk to, sometimes it's
just too difficult to bring up the topic. One thing that has
greatly helped me is journaling. I write out all my frustrations
and then read over them. Sometimes it helps me to feel better,
just getting it all out on paper. Then, I can look back at the
previous things I've written and see how far I've come.
Also, sometimes I'll read my journals to my friends and family
in order to get out what I have to say. I sometimes find it
easier to write things out before I talk about it.
Response from Barb, a survivor in Voices of Courage
Journaling is always good even if you are talking about it, but
especially if you're not. Something I learned about journaling
and why it is so effective was in a workshop about trauma and
the brain. When you talk about trauma you process that in one
area of your brain and if you write or journal you are
processing it in a different area. So, in effect when you
journal you process the experience in an additional way. When it
was first recommended to me, I thought it sounded too much like
an English assignment and didn't do it for a long time. Then in
so much pain and "ready to explode," I tried it. It was very
frightening because soooooo much came flooding out, but it
helped me immensely. Wage Peace.
"For the
past few weeks, I've been dealing with my past, and talking to
my friend about my Incest. 2 days ago I had a seizure, in which
I haven't had any in 3 years. I'm now starting to wonder if one
has to do with the other???"
-- Susan (NC)
Response from Karen, a survivor featured in
Voices of Courage.
Have you ever had a seizure in the past
associated with being under stress? If so, this one may be
related to your beginning to talk about your experience. While
talking is good, having seizures may possibly be the indication
of some other problem. Do you feel comfortable enough to talk to
your doctor about what was going in with you when the seizure
occurred? You may want to think about letting your MD know about
your history and have a medical assessment to see if the 2
events are related. Good luck with your health and your
discussions with your friend.
Response from Shirley a survivor featured in
Voices of Courage.
From my experience, stress can trigger a
seizure. I have known people who have not had seizures in many
years and the had a seizure shortly after the loss of a loved
one or right after doing something which made them anxious. I
believe that our bodies tell us when we need to pay attention to
something in our life. Please consult with your doctor in case
there has been a change in your condition or you need a change
in your treatment. You might want to consider talking with a
counselor at the rape crisis center about your incest. Recovery
is not an easy journey but certainly worth the travel. Good lucK!
THEN
SUSAN from NC REPLIED BACK TO US . . .
"I'm a 37 year old female, with more pain inside me than I know
what to do with. I was molested by my brother for 18 years of my
life, and for 5 of those years my father chimed in. I'm having
repeated flashbacks day in and day out. I have a 5 year old who
was also molested in school at the age of 3. this is when my
molestation started. I moved out of NY to get away from all the
pain, and have come to realize that unless I deal with all the
pain I'll never get away from it. do you know of a therapist
that can help me with all this pain? I would greatly appreciate
it."
Response from Caroline, a survivor featured in
Voices of Courage.
First of all, thank
you for being courageous and sharing your story. Therapy is a
great tool to use when recovering and surviving. A great place
to look for therapists is the website for RAINN Counseling
Centers. You can search by State or by Zip Code. Once doing
that, you can narrow the search by the type of services the
center specializes in. The website is:
http://rainn.org/counseling.html Best of luck.
I'm 18. i am a
survivor or sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. I have found
hope in Christ, and want badly to help other people who have
gone through hell and back. Its been very hard for me, and I'm
struggling with PTSD.and relationship problems. I have grown and
I'm at a place now where i feel a spark of hope. I have
supportive people around me, and a church family like none
other. Yes I've been mad at God a lot but I've come to learn
that God wants to love me, and care for me. when i feel scared
and im hurting physically or emotionally (becuase through
healing I've felt both). God wants to hold you and keep
you safe whether you have been a survivor of an unthinkable
crime or not. Yes I've been broken but i am still
beautiful.
~Kim, a survivor
Comments from Family Members of the Survivors in the book: "I am very proud of the 'voices' for their individual courage
and dedication. I was moved by the candidness of their
testimonials. This book sends a message of strength and provides
a service to the community by helping to raise awareness of
sexual abuse. I believe it is a perfect tool to inspire others
to break the silence and will contribute to educating and
perhaps prevent future incidents from happening. I
purchased the book because I am related to one of the
contributors. My best regards to all of the survivors and good
luck to all who are connected to this vitally important book and
its message of hope. BRAVO!"
-- Joni (FL) "I'm so proud to be married to one of the survivors featured
in this book. I'm confident the spirit of all of the
contributors will inspire others to be more understanding.
Understanding of ourselves both as survivors and as love ones of
survivors. This book will help us all be better human beings. I
love you Barb."
-- Husband of "Barb" in Voices of Courage "I have
read this excellent book and listened to the testimonials of the
Victims. I suggest everyone have a copy! Karen is my
Sister and I am so proud of her courage and strength!!! I love
You, Sis!"
-- Dennis (OK) "I am Linda's mother and I am so
proud of the part she has played in getting this book out for
all people who might be in need of the courage to face life
again after an outrageous act of sexual assault. While reading
this book, I came to understand that all the pain and anger and
yes, hatred, can be used in a powerful way, to bring hope to
others, and in doing so, bring some measure of peace to a once
broken person. God bless all of you who had the voices of
courage."
-- Linda's Mom (NC) Check back soon
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